It was a ten-hour marathon on Sunday. Tom and I gathered the numbers and enough courage to sit down at the antique Formica kitchen table and fill out the 20-plus pages of additional divorce forms that the court required. All the bills and debts; all the $ in accts. And the plan. How would we ultimately end the union in terms of dollars and property? Some forms, like the separation agreement we filled out together, one copy signed by both. Others, like financial disclosure we did separately but at the same time so the numbers would match. It was a day of ink and an occasional pause button when we broke for lunch, short walks and 10-min naps. And, we did it. It wasn't predictable, given a screaming session that had taken place just 24-hrs hence and my threat to hire a lawyer over joint funds Tom had received and transferred with no consultation. As in, hello? A check for half. Now! But on Sunday, as Mercury scraped her way into retrograde, we rose to the occasion and did the hard work.
I left the house numb. Body blitzed, mind fused to exhaustion as I grabbed a jacket and started down the dirt two track on a walk. Dusk had fallen. I was too tired to even cry. As I returned to the trailer a Great Horned Owl flew low to the ground, spread his wings and landed on a fencepost not 20 feet away. He cocked his head and stretched his neck as he began to hoot. I stood mesmerized; couldn't help but remember the sign I had asked for when I was in that sandstone canyon. Great Horned Owls herald new cycles and change. They are among those animals with the keenest vision, able to penetrate the veil of darkness and discern movement amidst the tiniest glint of light. Two weeks earlier I had stepped outside and discovered a 4-inch long owl pellet that had been dropped by a Great Horned perched directly over the door. Owl, messenger counterpart of the moon goddess Artemis, come to guide and reassure. And lift me from morass.
The next day Tom and I reviewed the forms and drove 20 miles to the court house to file them together. They included a non-appearance form. We do not have to be present when the case is reviewed. The divorce will be final on or around summer solstice.
I walked from the court house to a little jewelry store where I picked up an antique Navajo ring I had taken for repair. It had needed two pieces of turquoise in-lay and I had searched for a year for someone to do the work. Now it was done, as beauty-full as ever. I slid it down my right ring finger. It possessed all the comfort and power of an old friend. Now the tears could roll.